Reflections

Two years ago, on my first summer internship, on the 4th of July, my uncle Rob passed away tragically. This year, on this internship, on the 4th of July, I was at St. John’s primary school in Kabonge, Uganda. It was our second day teaching there so I’d already formed some sweet bonds with a group of Primary 5 girls that I taught the first day; one of them named Fatumah. I woke up that Tuesday (the 4th) simply heavy. I wasn’t apathetic or lacking energy, or feeling out of control with my emotions. I was truly ready to get out there in the classrooms with the kids and have a meal with them. However, I still carried some painful memories, my mom’s grief, my aunt Heather, her kids, my little brothers, and my dad (who was in Kampala on this day), with me. I believe I carried them in my body and on my face because I noticed people kept asking me why my face was downcast, especially my leaders. I thought, “Man, I feel good. I’m okay right now. Lord, please help me show that on my face and please redeem this day. Please redeem this day.” And God heard me.

Fatumah, a cute 4-foot-11-inch girl, with a white headdress and the sweetest shy laugh, runs up to me. “Madame Genesis! Madame Gensis! Heeya!” She handed me a letter and ran to get in line for assembly. The day before, Fatumah had opened up to me about her present life. She’s an orphan. Her mom lives in the city. Her father was stabbed to death in 2022. Since then, she has had no presence of a parent in her life, but her grace, her intelligence, her ability to articulate herself in English, and her peaceable presence said otherwise. Since she was young her grandmother raised her and her cousins (Saima and Izira). They go days without food, she shared with me. “There are not enough beans. It is hard for my grandmother to provide.” My heart was humbled. Taking this information with me into the 4th, I expected to have another conversation about her dad. The grief in her eyes when she told me about his passing was so intense. It was eating away at her, among other things. It was taking from her innocence, among other things. So, the letter…it reads (notice how it is signed with the date, “4th of July”):

Kabonge P/5
4th July 2023

Dear madam Genesis,

How are you doing? Let me hope you are fine. I have written this letter to inform you that after the death of my father I have never thought again of this love you have showed to me. You have encouraged me in reading. I am too sad that you are going to leave me here and I am thinking that you may stay here but you cannot do it. Thank you for loving me a lot.

Yours affectionately,
Fatumah K.

Wow. I was a mess. Slow, burning, healing tears fell from my eyes onto clay dirt with patches of grass. Immediately I felt such compassion that it felt like it was a soothing balm for how much hurt I have felt in my heart and body about uncle Rob. God’s love for Fatumah washed over me. It moved me. It made me feel loved.

God is near to the brokenhearted and crushed in spirit.